virus: HEALED!!!!

Snow Leopard (
Tue, 23 Mar 1999 06:05:53 PST

No, I really did have hydrocephilus. Though I obviously don’t directly recall, doctors said that my head was “almost twice the average circumfrence” for a six-week old. My mother said that I kind of looked like Einstein. At six weeks, they drilled into my skull to implant a temporary shunt. A shunt has to be replaced every 2-3 years until growth stops. Shortly after this surgery my mother took my to one of those crazy “Faith healer” people, as you atheist would call him. Despite check-ups, despite the fact that doctors don’t know where the fluid is braining, I have never had that first shunt replaced. So no, I don’t just have a big head, and no this doesn’t run in the family.

So long as I’m on the topic of my miracles, I might as well explain why doctors believe I “gained” hydrocephilus. You see, mother had extensive scarring in her fallopian tubes, and the doctors said it would be impossible for her to be a mother in the traditional sense. She adopted my brothers. However, after being married for 18 years, at the age of 35 my mother had a dream she believes was from God. He said to her, “You will have a baby girl, and you shall name her Joy.” According to my mother, the Lord also mentioned my conception date.

Whether or not that was true, the next morning, my mother comes running down stairs and says to my father, “Jimmy! Jimmy! We’ve going to have a baby girl, and Jesus said to name her Joy.”

My father’s response? “Oh, joy.” In fact, my old man was a skeptic until the day I was born. He wasn’t sure that I would be female, so he decided to keep the name ‘Nicholas’ handy, just in case. When the doctors said I would almost definitely have birth defects, my father wanted me aborted. Heck, the old man doubts everything I do to this day.

If you think that I’m lying, or that I’ve been douped by my parents, there’s nothing I can do to prove otherwise at the moment. Next time I can, however, I will remember to scan a few of these medical records and send them as an attachment.

PS There are a fwe people who use this account collectively, and Snow Leopard is the school mascot. First name we could agree on.

We're not perfect, we're just forgiven!

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