<Big snip of good stuff>
>I fully agree about the unpredictable effects of various degrees of
>assault. They stress this a LOT in rape-counseling workshops, and make
>sure to emphasize that you understand not to 'prioritize' pain because
>different people react in extremely different manners, and it's important
>not to judge experiences as 'bad' and 'worse'- all are equally bad. I
>don't know what makes some victims better able to handle it than others,
>but I know that I feel much better *dealing* with problems (which is why I
>like to help rape victims), rather than ignoring them. Apathy only makes
You aren't kidding about this. My mate and I went to counseling eventually and that is the first thing I learned. I did have the "Look, hers was worse, so quit complaining" attitude and discovered how unproductive and hurtful the attitude was. Communication, compassion, patience and medication seen to have the best effect so far. And the situation has improved since I have used these methods to help my dearest friend.
I'm sorry to hear your friend has chosen to stay in an abusive relationship - that cannot help the situation. From what I understand though, it is very common for people to search out abusive relationship if they were raised in an abusive atmosphere. What a shame. Good work helping others though!!