What about the part where you cast the unbelievers into the burning lake of Post-modernism?
I love it! Can I write "The Second Epistle of Tim to the Church at Hesitae"? (2 Hesitations 2:18 "And Lo, He did smite the wicked, for they had folly in their hearts and Spice Girls songs in their heads. And their was much wailing and knashing of teeth. And it was good.")