> It requires /killing/ your ego, your "self"; a ruthless attack where you
> slice here, cut there, but mostly just tear apart, to see where it tears
> most easily. If you gear up to do this, and you don't have a panic
> attack, you don't have a visceral understanding of what's required. When
> it's over, you dissect the pieces, methodically, dispassionately (if
> it's not dispassionate, it's not dead yet; you, you're ego, in a
> desperate bid for survival, has tricked "you" into believing you had
> the nerve to do it properly), spread the bits out and examine all the
> pieces, then look at them all at once.
Interestingly, I was taking with a friend about ego dissolution just
last night. She's trying to construct her own independent self through
therapy while at the same time trying to deconstruct that self through
Buddhism. She's finding that the more she becomes aware that her "self"
is a construct of parts that she can put together however she chooses, the
easier it is for her to take that "self" apart, look at each piece, and
decide if she wants to keep it or not, and that she can put it all back
together however she chooses. A different configuration for every
situation or every new challenge. At the same time she's awakening to the
realization that "she" is none of these configurations and all of them at
the same time.
> Also, implicit in the description of the process is an apparent
> contradiction; you obviously have to /want/ to do this, but your
> /wants/ are determined by that which you set out to kill: your "self" or
> "ego". There's no contradiction, if you think about it. Your desire for
> the anticipated results "only" has to be strong enough to overide the
> sum total of all the other wants and desires that comprise your
> ego/id/self/core.
And it only has to be that strong for long enough to destroy that
ego/id/self/core, (or weaken it enough that your desire for the end result
has a fighting chance in the future).
-Prof. Tim