virus: Virus Humor
Bill Godby (wgodby@tir.com)
Thu, 13 Jun 1996 13:30:46 -0400
Thought those who have gotten a bit too serious for their own good at times
(me included) might find this a relief. I have no time at the moment for the
list, and probably won't have for a month or so. I just wanted my fellow
Virians to know I'm still alive. Cheers. Bill
>
>> GOOD VIRUSES > >
>> _________________________________________________________________
>>
>>
>> HUMOUR... The only good virus is a funny virus.
>> ================================================================
>>
>> We are not sure where this originated. Probably somewhere on he
>> net. Thanks to all who contributed:
>> -----------------------------------
>>
>> BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-
>> attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)
>>
>> AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
>> you are getting.
>>
>> MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
>> too much for the AT&T virus.
>>
>> PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse
>> around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack once if by LAN,
>> twice if by C:>.
>>
>> POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a 'virus', but
>> instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
>>
>> RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless
>> of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you
>> to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
>>
>> ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
>> before the whole damn thing quits.
>>
>> MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to
>> run.
>>
>> TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
>>
>> DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child
>> process without joining into a binary network.
>>
>> DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer,
>> ewe just cant figyour out watt!
>>
>> GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
>> diagnostic software says everything is fine.
>>
>> FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
>> little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of
>> which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
>>
>> GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38
>> percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5
>> percent margin of error.)
>>
>> RANDALL TERRY VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
>> 'Abort' from the 'Abort' 'Retry' 'Fail' message.
>>
>> CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits
>> erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the
>> other side for the problem.
>>
>> AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
>>
>> FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
>> own motherboard.
>>
>> ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
>> destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service
>> stations across rural America.
>>
>> OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper
>> shredder.
>>
>> IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot
>> up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it
>> all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
>>
>> STAR TREK VlRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has
>> gone before.
>>
>> GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, 'Read my
>> docs....No new files!' on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all
>> the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it
>> on the Congressional Virus.
>>
>> LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on
>> your PC and erases them in "self defense".
>>
>> -----------------------------------------------------------------
>> From: New York - UNIX Q March 1994 Vol. 4 Ed. 3
>> ========================================================================
>>
>>
>> _________________________________________________________________
>>
>> Back to Rainbow Humor Page
>>
>> _________________________________________________________________
>>
>>
>>
>>
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>--Ed
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-----
Bill Godby
wgodby@tir.com