virus: Pill cures religious belief

James Veverka (
Sun, 13 Jun 1999 17:45:07 -0400 (EDT)

For a full report and analysis you can contact the English Association of Chemists E.A.C UK and ask for a written paper.

Scientific Journal of Pharmacy- Vol 5:6 A scientific breakthrough in the treatment of schizophrenia has caused outrage in the church community.

Sanizac(tm) from Pfizer Ltd, responsible for the anti-impotence pill Viagra, has been used in medical trials over the last 18 months for the treatment of mental illnesses. Although the results were not the success that was predicted an amazing side effect was found that could have amazing repercussions.

"We have a situation here that could lead to a cultural change as
significant as when Darwin's infamous 'Origin of the Species' was published." Claimed a spokesman for Pfizer Pharmaceuticals.

During a drug trial, healthy volunteers take the treatments under strict supervision which enables pharmacists to monitor any adverse side effects. It was noticed by a processing clerk that some of the volunteers seemed to have a 'crisis of faith' during the trial and afterwards claimed that they did not believe in God any more.

The trial was repeated and it was found to have an 87% success rate in males and a 91% success rate in females. All other instances lead to severe doubts about their faith and they considered themselves 'agnostics'

"We are not totally surprised by this discovery." Claimed leading
pharmacist Donald Rowan. "The similarities between faith and mental illness are tenuous, but they are there."

It was this comment that sparked outrage amongst church leaders. "You cannot equate a belief in God with that of an insane fool who hears voices in his head!" Stated Father Terrance who lost several members of his congregation due to the drug trial. Father Terrance is leading a campaign to ban the drug on the grounds of 'Right to Religious freedom!" The drug has been given varying responses by the public.

"It's evil! It's like trying to kill Jesus! Jesus loves you, why can't
you understand!" Cried a 14 year old girl.

"If it will help our only son who was confused into joining a cult, it
can only be a good thing." Said the mother of Jamie Yasin, who is fighting to regain her son from 'Jesus in the Stars' cult.
"Personally I see it as a shame that some people need a pill to convince
them that there is no magical 'sky pixie' in their lives." Said John Baker, self confessed atheist.

Sanizac(tm) is due to be available on prescription by late November provided the government grants a licence for this controversial cure.