Re: virus: The giant hermaphroditic purple squid heresy

Sun, 21 Mar 1999 11:47:38 -0800

You may see me dancing and doing peyote with the squid folks, but I'm just doing it to infiltrate their cell and infect it with IPU memes. That look of ecstacy on my face as I orbit the silver space suit and groove to the klesmer jams is a facade perfected through a long and arduous regime of facial discipline. It may look like I'm having a great time, but I'm really all about doing IPU's work. Fear not, I'm down with IPU, and the squid-revering heretics will soon follow.


carlw wrote:
> Verily I say unto thee that the most high and reverential IPU (blessed be
> her pinkness) appeared to me in a dream this morning, and BOY IS SHE PISSED!
> She wants to know how this weaseling fishbait, this imaginary animated
> calamari, can be deserving of worship when it can actually be seen - and
> without the eyes of faith? She warns that this tentacled totem with AC and
> DC parts is related to the Purple Oyster (of Doom), long cast out of her
> Pastures for the great evil of leading atheists everywhere into the
> heretical notion that pepperoni and mushroom pizza is more pleasing to Her
> than the Holy Pineapple and Ham. The so called Purple Oyster (of Doom) now
> dwells in the halls of the Pastures of Short Grass and High Manure* and the
> many tentacled Purple Penile Implant will be joining it after losing its
> parts of both sexes, for an eternity - at least of Internet time - and
> forced to feed on the scatalogical outpourings of the CoV mail list. To
> avoid sharing their fate, for a penance you must give all that you have to
> the Foundation for the Preservation of Unicorns, Bigfeet, and Other Very
> Rare Species. Repent!
> As there may be some on this list who have not been told of the IPU (blessed
> be her pinkness) and her very superior godlike characteristics, "The
> Invisible Pink Unicorns is a being of great spiritual power. We know this
> because she is capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like
> all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both
> logic and faith. We have faith that she is pink; we logically know that she
> is invisible because we can't see her."
> TheHermit <Still wandering around with a beam in his eye>
> Man is quite insane. He wouldn't know how to create a maggot yet he creates
> gods by the dozen.
> The New Revised Amalgamated Standard Creed
> We believe in One Unicorn, The Pink, The Invisible. Creator of Uncertainty,
> revealed to us in the alt.atheist usenet forum - She that Raptures Socks.
> She will smite those that mock Her brethren. Others believe baloney, we too
> will join the feast. We shall eat our fill, yea every belly shall be full of
> ham and pineapple pizza. Her Revelations show us the folly of all Religions.
> Spread Her Word.
> The IPU syllogism (first appearing on the CoV)
> All gods are entirely man-made.
> No god which is man-made is entirely worthy of worship.
> If you cannot complete a syllogism, then you deserve to worship a man-made
> god.
> Corollary: Of all of the man-made gods, the IPU is most worthy of worship.
> Send money now.
> *It is foretold that someday, on the Day of Oats and Hay, the Purple Oyster
> (of Doom) will be reconciled with the Mare of Peace and bask again in her
> rosy glow. It is said that no feast can equal that feast, that pineapple and
> ham will flow like wind in the mane! On that day too, the squid will be
> sliced, diced, dipped, fried and served to the starving messes.
> Some IPU sites