virus: HUMOUR: FW: Job application

Dave Hall (
Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:17:38 +0200


For those who enjoyed my little Microsoft Asteroids' skit last week, here's a new one. It's possibly more complex in what it reveals, a skit that includes COWS, fellow enslaved inhabitants of our Planet, in various "forms". FWIW I'm not a vegetarian .. just a "normal" human scavenger that hasn't thought about converting my gastrointestinal system all that much. What tastes good works for me, so to speak.

Again, I've chosen a "souless corporate giant" that begins with the letter M. Yep ... the cyberspace version of the "Giant Golden M" that humans know and love so well and flock to when feeding, to the extent they'll stand in lines to get at the trough. Thus comes under the memetic spotlight today .. and reveals some INCREDIBLE things about life as we know it in this Universe.

I must admit the entire "skit" was whipped up by borrowing from other people's Great Economic Ideas and tinkering with them until they associated in a Silly Way. My objective is to "write" at least one "The World Is Rather Silly When You Finally Come To Think About It" piece per week .. until no-one tells me to stop it. This one involves a bit of "cyberspace treasure hunting" to get it's full "humour impact" .. or irony. Translated: be careful not to buy another guy his lunch.

I sure hope it makes sense to at least one person other than myself! Let the humour(??) begin .....

[Johannesburg, South Africa]

Introduction to forwarded "designer humOR virus" email <skip straight to bottom for a pretty good laugh>

I think gauging another living being's sense of humour is a excellent way to tell how "intelligent" that other being is and in what way he/she is "intelligent" ... military geniuses no longer really required on the Planet. World reknowned biologist, Jane Goodal, believes that chimpanzees have a sense of humour having lived with them for 40 years of her life. Look it up sometime. (I saw a recent TV interview that mentioned smething like though I may have the spelling wrong).

I also think that humOUR should be spelt with an "OUR" to signify something shared, rather than with an "OR" which means "something else" IMO. Let's all "hum" to-get-her .. so to speak. Girls like a boy that can make them laugh a lot, especially if it's original stuff .. which requires original thinking. Well I hope they do otherwise I'm in the wrong "business" AGAIN

I was going to clean up this <master>piece below to prove that I never wrote it. It appears that the last guy in the chain to lay claim to original authorship goes by the logo of "Greg Bulmash" .. sure doesn't mince his words, hay!?). But I found it so funny (as in LOL) I figured I'd just pass it on in the form I received it .. but changed ever so slightly to TARGET the message more finely by including a little "memetic re-engineering".

The email virus, after a few technical changes, is what I like to call ADWARE in it's purest form .. survival by "payment in kind" without actually needing any *money*. To look up how that phrase, "payment in kind", was economically derived and added to everyday "business speak" ... read "Grunch of Giants" by R. "Bucky" Fuller which can be found in many places on the web ... just use a Ferret search tool to find a copy for you. About 63 pages of enlightening, and extremely entertaining, for some, points of view .. FREE READING for travellers on "Spaceship Earth".

Feel FREE to click on the changes that I did make to the original. I'm willing to bet that the guy who sent this to me via so many thousands of other "repeaters" gets a lot of free lunches from his "sponsors", hopefully not of the mad-cow variety.

Using my "Mathematical Enhancement Tool", Microsoft Excel [I think I just must *confess* that Microsoft got me out of the *bad* Sin of using @sum(stuff to add up) rather than =sum(stuff to add up) and save me from having to push the <Shift> button so much] I have mathematically deduced and "proven" that:


the DEAL

        that "Aladin Sane" below has with these Mince Marketing Machines
         <!--- yeah the 3 M's! .. nearly like Mickey Mouse ..
         say MMMmmmy Mmine .. different to OUR  --->

         IS 1 x <CLICK-THROUGH> = 1 x <"quarter pounder of mince">

         OR a "Royale"
             <!--- = Spanish word for REAL
                     = royally ordained
                     =  *real* value for MONEY --->

       since the counter on the web page that can be
       found by clicking on the URL below was reset,
       each of the "sandwich" companies

       MUST PAY
       a proto-rata portion of what is currently
       an average of  nearly 84 POUNDS of minced cowflesh
       per DAY

       TO "Mr. Aladin Sane", aka CGD Consulting.


Annualised, that's about nearly 3,000 POUNDS of COW. Borrow a BULL for a few hours, let him do what he does best, and you could have a DAIRY pretty soon .. and all this HEAT gets converted to MILK! Now I have no idea of how many TONS of cow that could be after a few years, or how many hectares of grassland have been saved by the conversion of LIVING BEINGS into socio-economic UNITS OF MEASURE but I'm sure that my Theory that the MONEY meme is "Totally Out of Control" can be proven in many ways by those more specialised than I am, and thereby "disguise" the results in heaps of mumbo jumbo, affectionatly otherwise known as BULLSHIT <baffles brains> that no-one can actually understand without a Degree in Rocket Science.

If there's a moral to the whole story, I suppose that if we dare to look around and think about what our eyes see, at what we're doing to this planet in the name of the MONEY GOD and it's stupendous number of derivations in a few, short thousand years, mutating ever more rapidly, we may come to realise that we'll only live as "superior beings" amongst 5 billion other "lower" species and rapidly mutating wannabe's as long as the Universe allows us to live .. and we're playing mostly against the rules of this Universe because we *think* we're different from it. Dah!

-----Original Message-----
From: Aladin Sane [] Sent: 19 March 1999 11:46
To: David Hall [] Subject: Job application

Subject: Fw: giz a job

>> >>> Actual McDonald's [] Fast Food Job
>> >>>
>> >>>This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's
>> >>>fast-food establishment........and they hired him!
>> >>>
>> >>>NAME:  Greg Bulmash
>> >>>
>> >>>DESIRED POSITION: Reclining.  Ha ha.  But seriously, whatever's
>> >available.
>> >>>If I was in a position to be picky,
>> >>>                   I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
>> >>>
>> >>>DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
>> Ovitz
>> >>style
>> >>>severance package.
>> >>>                 If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
>> haggle.
>> >>>
>> >>>EDUCATION: Yes, but is that really a requirement to work here?
>> >>>
>> >>>LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>> >>>
>> >>>SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
>> >>>
>> >>>MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens
>> and
>> >>>post-it notes.
>> >>>
>> >>>REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>>PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?  Yes, but they're better suited to
>> a
>> more
>> >>>intimate environment.
>> >>>
>> >>>MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
>> here?
>> >>>
>> >UP
>> >>>TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here
>> would
>> be
>> >"Do
>> >>>you have a car that runs?"
>> >>>
>> be a
>> >>>winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU SMOKE?: Depends on what it is.
>> >>>
>> Bahamas
>> >with
>> >>>a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm           the
>> greatest
>> >>thing
>> >>>since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>> >>>
>> >>>KNOWLEDGE?:  No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
>> >>>
>> >>>SIGN HERE:  Scorpio with Libra rising.
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>
>> >
>> >