virus: What good is philosophy

maggs (
Sun, 14 Mar 1999 15:38:29 -0600 (CST)

Many people with knowledge have asked me (and they had no intention to be nice about it) What good is Philosophy, M?

Let me demonstrate.

a year or so ago, a dignified woman was working at a graduate school of the University of Missouri at Columbia. A man who also worked at the same place noticed this woman and expressed an interest. Unfortunately, as was to be discovered, this soul was a black one. things started out innocently enough. He said "hi", she said"hi" and for a while that's all they said to each other. One evening, he crossed her path on campus and invited her for a cup of coffee at Brady Commons. She accepted. He foolishly mocked and criticized her major. (the password is Philosophy) He then, under the guise of a conversation about religion, kept metioning his private sexual practices. Throught this meeting, he was acting in a very nervous manner. She could allow him this nervousness because sometimes, when one is very nervous one just can't get a handle on anything. Everything comes out wrong and the more one tries to gain control of a situation the worse things get. Not knowing what to think or fearing the reality of what just happened, the dignified woman parted the man's company.

Months later (because after the incident the woman was a bit more cautious about saying hi to the man) the woman met up with the man again as she was walking downtown on a warm, still summer's eve. She sat down to talk to him for a while out of curiosity. The conversation varied from topic to topic but one premise stated by the man could not be ignored,
"How can you tell someone whom you really like that you really like them?"
Suspecting where the conversation might be going, the woman, skilled in the art of conversation led the conversation in all sorts of directions. (Point of order: the man had previously, presumptuously remarked that anyone could be a philospher and therefore spout forth philosophy) An hour or so lapsed and thus the second premise,"Do you think that an attraction between a man and a woman could be sexual?" The woman frightfully delighted at the transparency of it all, not expecting such entertainment when she was walking downtown at first and being skilled in the art of conversation again led the conversation in many directions. An hour or so later, by that time working their way to the respectable woman's apartment where the woman skilled in etquette had offered the man a glass of wine and sat far across the room from him on another chair,the entertainment became more than anyone could exspect. The man believing his rhetoric was attaining a desired end for him started demonstrating inappropriate actions having a false belief that the woman was no higher on the food chain than he was. At the opportune moment the premise\conclusion, "I am here because I want to have sex with you."

Now the woman never lost her dignity. She did not pick up her son's baseball bat and swing it at the disgusting, presumptuos man.( that would have been impractical as she would have to wash down the walls,the floor and it was such a beautiful evening) She smiled, laughed quietly and said,
"well, that was very honest of you. Here, have a little more wine."
Shortly after that she had gotten a headache and asked the black souled individual to please leave. She walked him to the door as was proper, stood away from him because if he had leaned toward her to peck her on the cheek, she would have lost her lunch all over him, and bade him goodnight. He looked around as if someone was watching him and waiting for him, tucked his shirt into his pants in the gesture of having been well taken care of and left. He didn't give up right away after that as people who are presumptuous and full of knowledge, knowing that anyone can imitate philosophy thus turning on the woman so that she will lose control,and pestered the woman several times downtown when he saw her. Finally she reasoned that the best thing to do was to rip his head off(figuratively of course) and vomit down his throat. He hasn't harassed her since.

No respectable philosopher would tolerate such a violation of Kantian ethics.

The respectable woman went on with her life from that point. Another man of black soul crossed her path. This man was a TA from the mathematical sciences building and had been a mediator at an exam she took. After the exam, they had a nice conversation with a couple other people abot nationalities, families and children. It seemed that the Man had just had a baby. (well...his know) The semester was finished and time lapsed. The man started seeing the woman around campus and started to say "hello". The woman would say"hello" and sometimes they would chat for a brief moment as both had to get to class. One day the woman asked "and how is your baby?" to which the man gave an obscure, something tragic answer. After a few more hellos, the man asked the woman if she would like to meet for coffee. The woman, expecting his wife and other friends would join them,had to refuse at that time because of studying for midterms. He gave her a call after midterms and invited her out. He called back and gave her a list of things they could do together on her voice mail. The dignified woman was concerned because she knew he was married and wondered why he'd want to date her. She did not return the black souled man's call and he called again catching her at home. He was indignant and posessively presumptuous demanding where she had been and he guessed all the choices he gave were out of the question for the day. She, amazed at the show, kept her calm, talked about what she had done during the day and asked about his wife. He didn't wish to dicuss it (sooo tragic) and would tell her about it under other circumstances. Well of course she knew he wouldn't want to date her and she just wanted to clear the air. He indignantly snapped that He had done all he could and if she wanted to see him then she could call him. (Point of order: when she had first agreed to have coffee with him, he started to act as if he had accomplished something and wouls acheive something. She also detected that she had become his property somehow) Another violation of Kantian ethics to say the least.

Conclusion : this man is lower than scum on the bottom of a NYC taxicab driver's shoe.

                     If him and his wife are having problems he needs to
work things out with her and if she has gone back to their country with the baby because they both could not afford to live on campus, that does not give him license to date.

Finally, the respectable, dignified woman was going about her business and she met up with another woman whom she hadn't seen around for a while whom she had met when she worked in the university's bookstore. This particular woman is a narrow minded, unhappy woman with some family problems who insists on making anyone who crosses her path unhappier than she. one day, when the dignified woman had done something that the people who worked with her were not used to doing in the spirit of teamwork, the wretched woman started crying outloud" look what she's doing! She's keeping all those for herself and we have to do without." She made enough noise that the co-workers instantly formed a dislike for the dignified woman. No one reasoned that what was happening could have been beneficial to all of them because it is easier to judge, sentence and get out the noose. The unhappy woman has not changed being constant in her wretched ness. ( Point of order: the wretched woman did not let up with the dignified woman but kept feeding the fires of animosity for the length of time they both held the same job. However this made the wretched woman popular though she was never happy)

Conclusion: The dinified woman hopes to avoid ever meeting with her again. There is no consolation for those refusing to be consoled. the wretched woman is well educated with much knowledge and therefore does not need to reason.

( yes, you guessed it, Kantian ethics bites the dust again)

the defense rests and will be away for a while because of midterms.


"I am more than what you define and delienate me to be" Elizabeth Wurtzel